Tonight something happened that was worth resurrecting my blog- my grandmother died. Some of you know of her as the crazy grandma or the evil grandma. As you can imagine, I'm kind of ambivalent about the whole thing.
My grandmother- my mom's mom- was bitter, racist, manipulative, and abusive. She caused me and my family untold pain and left each of us with mental and emotional scars that can't be denied. So honestly, I'm not sad that she's dead.
I am sad, though. I'm sad for the lifetime she wasted, the relationships she ruined, the energy that she put into holding onto all the wrongs that had ever been done to her and taking them out on everyone around her. I'm sad for the kind person that she occasionally was, and for the way that that person was consumed by the bitter, lonely woman she was when she died.
Lately my motto for getting myself to a healthier place physically, mentally, and emotionally has been "become today the person you want to be tomorrow." I think tonight I'd like to amend that: "be today the person you want to be remembered as when you're gone." Or, as Switchfoot put it 10 years ago, "This is your life- are you who you want to be?"
My grandmother- my mom's mom- was bitter, racist, manipulative, and abusive. She caused me and my family untold pain and left each of us with mental and emotional scars that can't be denied. So honestly, I'm not sad that she's dead.
I am sad, though. I'm sad for the lifetime she wasted, the relationships she ruined, the energy that she put into holding onto all the wrongs that had ever been done to her and taking them out on everyone around her. I'm sad for the kind person that she occasionally was, and for the way that that person was consumed by the bitter, lonely woman she was when she died.
Lately my motto for getting myself to a healthier place physically, mentally, and emotionally has been "become today the person you want to be tomorrow." I think tonight I'd like to amend that: "be today the person you want to be remembered as when you're gone." Or, as Switchfoot put it 10 years ago, "This is your life- are you who you want to be?"
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