This Post Doesn't Matter

Alright. I'm embarrassed.

It's officially been over a month (just a day, but over nonetheless) since I last updated. I daydreamed during finals about how over the summer I would have plenty of time to do all of the things I've wanted to do, like update my blog regularly. It turned out that after finals all I wanted to do was sleep and let my brain rot for a few weeks.

But no more. I've spent this week in a deadly boring intensive course on leadership (alright, alright, I'm sitting in that course right now- clearly, it's life-changing) and I think my brain is actually functioning again. Let's give it a shot.

Truly, the only important thing in my life the last few weeks has been Annual Conference. It was last weekend and it was a strange mix of soporific, frustrating, and exhilarating.

For those of you who are not United Methodist, Annual Conference technically refers to a geographic area; I'm a member in the Southwest Texas Annual Conference, but I'm currently living and working in the Baltimore-Washington Annual Conference. Every year, however, the Conference gets together for the- wait for it- Annual Conference. Yeah, we're good at names.

This year's Annual Conference was particularly important because next year is the General Conference, when representatives delegates from every Annual Conference come together to evaluate the state of the church. That means that this year's Annual Conference is when motions are put forward that, if passed, will go before the whole General Conference to be discussed and voted on to in some way modify the stated beliefs or actions of the United Methodist Church.

Because I'm still a member in Southwest Texas, I technically didn't need to be at the Baltimore-Washington Annual Conference. I wanted the chance to observe it, though, before I am in the position of being able to participate. As interesting as it was to be learning so much about the inner workings of the church, I also couldn't really participate. Thus, the soporific. Those three days of sessions and voting and legislation and worship are long.

Being so restrained was also frustrating at times. There were many times when I wanted to jump into a conversation or cast a vote but I simply couldn't. More frustrating than that was simply seeing the discord- the downright nastiness- that was sometimes a part of the discussion. Deep emotion is to be expected, I know, when you bring together such a diverse group of people to talk about such important topics. It hurts my heart, though, to see the church so divided.

What was amazing and exhilarating, then, was to see the Church come together. To see the incredible steps for justice that were made as people around me wept for joy. To see people come together after a divisive vote and to embrace one another from across the metaphorical aisle. To see the Church being the Church- growing, adapting, and coming together for good.

You know what the best part was, though?

The best part was when we were discussing ways to reach out to, to serve, to welcome, to love on all of the people that the Church has alienated and ignored, and the bishop himself wept in front of God and all of us talking about the people the Church has failed. His words were, "Until we change, it just doesn't matter." None of this- not the legislation, not the Conference, not anything we say or do- none of it matters until we fundamentally change the way we think about our relationship to the world. Until our relationship with the world is one of humility and love- not condescension, not judgment, not correction, not arrogance, not even charity- nothing we do or say matters. Our attitude infuses everything we do and it is that attitude that condemns us with the people we reach out to. Our bitterness and arrogance won't make a difference. It doesn't matter. Love makes a difference. Love brings the Church together when it disagrees. Love brings peace and change. Love matters.