One Step At A Time

Between Lent and Holy Week and planning the church retreat and just being in seminary in general, I feel like people have been talking about journey a lot lately.

"Where have you been, and how has that affected you?"

"Where do you find yourself, and is it where you want to be?"

"Where do you want to go, and will the path you are on get you there?"

This "journey" picture is from the hardest journey I ever took. It's one of the parts of my past

that's still affecting me in ways I can't imagine.

Well, I do know where I've been but I probably can't guess yet at all the ways that has affected and will continue to affect me. And I know where I am, most of the time. I love where I am. Not sure that I'm a fan of DC in general, but I love my school and my church and all of the amazing people here. But as for where I'm going? I have no clue. I think I'm slowly getting used to that, and I'm definitely starting to realize that it's probably for a reason.

See, sometimes I have control issues. Maybe it's because we didn't always have a lot of money growing up, or because my dad has been sick since I was in middle school, or because I was an only child--maybe I just wanted to be able to control something. Or maybe it's just that I'm precocious and stubborn. In any case, I'm not always very good at taking advice. Or letting other people make decisions for me. Even when that other is God and that other knows way more than me.

For example, I still look at myself and see this random assortment of semi-developed skills and wonder, "How am I supposed to cobble together a career out of those?!" Whereas I'm pretty sure God looks at me and says, "Heather! I gave you the perfect set of skills for this thing, or this thing, or even this other thing if you really want to. You'd be amazing at any of them and do great things. Why won't you get with the program already?!" And all the while I sit there, whining and worrying because I don't know what to do with my life.

But the conclusion I've come to this year is that perhaps the reason I don't have a clue what to do anymore is because, if I could see my life laid out, my control issues would come out and I'd say, "But this isn't right!" Or, "But I can't do that!" And I'd screw it up or just run away.

It started with just thinking about how very long it took me to acknowledge the possibility of even doing ministry. The thought that maybe I was called to ministry first occurred to me when I was seven, for goodness’ sake, and it took me over ten years to admit that maybe God really was calling me to ministry despite growing up Southern Baptist, despite being a woman. Even then, though, I’ve realized that I didn’t step out into what that call to ministry could mean. I stuck to what was safe, to what I’d already done: youth ministry. Working with youth in Sunday School, in youth group, and in camp settings all came naturally and I’d been allowed to do it, even as a girl in the Baptist church. I’ve started to feel, then, that what I did was assume that this ministry was what God was calling me to. It was easy. It was safe and familiar. Plus, I liked the idea. Clearly, all of this added up to youth ministry being my call from God. That’s what I decided that I would do. The thought that occurs to me, then, is that maybe youth ministry has just been my first step. Youth ministry was the first thing that I could finally admit to myself as a possibility, the first part of a plan that I can’t see yet.

So in the meantime I blunder along, sometimes listening to God and mostly just doing my own thing. For example, if you remember when I got here I had a minor crisis, way back in my very first entry. Am I here for the right reasons? And if I'm totally honest with myself, the answer is probably no. I came to DC because it was where Jeff was coming, and to Wesley because it was a good seminary here and they offered me a scholarship, and to my church because they offered me a job and seemed like they were doing really great things. But those were my reasons for coming.

That is not to say, though, that there were not other reasons for me being here that I could not see. That little piece of wisdom from a friend still rings true--the awesome thing is that no matter why you go, God can use you anyway. And looking back on this year, with just two more weeks to go, I can definitely see the ways that God has used my place here. Not used me, necessarily. Not in ways that I've seen, anyway. But where I am has affected me in powerful ways. Being in DC and at my amazing church here has rekindled the passion I once had for justice and peace. Being at Wesley has introduced me to truly wonderful people who challenge me every day and has given me the opportunity to explore not only youth ministry but also emerging ministry, which has given me the language to express what I was really yearning for all of those years that I struggled with being called to ministry. Wherever I end up, my ministry is to bring about the kingdom of God begun by Jesus and entrusted to us as Christians, where all people are loved and cared for, where hatred and violence and discrimination have no place. Wherever I go, whatever path I'm on, that is my compass and my goal. That is what I work toward.

Service of Word and Table

My church here takes Communion twice a month, on the first and third Sundays. This is less often than my church in Austin, which took Communion every week, but much, much more often than I ever took it growing up.

I have to admit, it was a little weird at first, back when I became United Methodist. Coming from a background where Communion wasn't really talked about, much less emphasized, taking it so often was interesting at first simply because it was novel. I'll be honest, I don't think I got it. The words were pretty. After all, that's what I'd grown up focusing on- the words spoken. The sermon had been the center and the high point of the service. I'm also a huge word nerd anyway, so it made sense to me. But the actual taking of the bread and juice (Methodist- we're not big on wine for the most part) was just kind of a tasty mouthful while I thought about Jesus...and what I was going to have for lunch, because now I was hungry.

It may sound weird to some of you to imagine a 20-year-old taking Communion with the basic mindset of a 5-year-old (snack time!). Or maybe that's kind of how you think about it too, and maybe that's ok for where you are.

In any case, the people I've met, the books I've read, and the classes I've taken since I've been here have all been gradually but drastically changing the way I look at Communion. Also, I just wrote a paper on it. So yeah. It's on my mind and I thought I'd share a bit. I'm not going to touch on who blesses or serves communion or even to whom they serve it. I'm just not. Not today. Today is just about what happens.

One quick thing I will say before I go into that, though, is that the Service of Word and Table- a service where the Gospel is proclaimed not only through preaching but also through Holy Communion- has become my favorite kind of service. Part of it is because the Emergent Christian in me loves the physical, interactive nature of taking Communion, but mostly it's because I've come to see Communion, rather than the sermon, as the high point and culmination of a worship gathering.

Why? Because I see four main things happening in taking Communion. We receive and see God's grace; we remember and give thanks for the life, death, and resurrection of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit; we affirm our place in the Church Universal; and we rededicate ourselves to our call to continue Christ's work in bringing about the already-present but not-yet-fulfilled kingdom of God (for more on that one, see my last post).

First, Communion is a matter of grace. Nothing we do makes us worthy of Communion with God- it is who we are, and who we are is the beloved people of God, being ever transformed into God's likeness. Grace has called us into the Church; grace makes us aware of God’s presence and power; grace gives the first inkling of understanding of our redemption; grace welcomes us to communion with God despite our failures. Grace invites us to the table despite all of our shortcomings, and at the table we find ourselves changed by nothing short of the most awesome grace of God.

Second, Communion lays before us in the most basic of elements the culmination of Christ's work in the world, defeating sin and death so that the work of God's kingdom could continue undeterred. It is by Christ’s sacrifice that we are saved and by the power of the Holy Spirit that we live, a community of the called. In the story that is told, in the blessings that are given, in the nourishment we receive, we see both of these lived out.

Third, Communion connects us to the entirety of the Church Universal, around the world and across the ages. We each take bread and juice, reminding us of the distinctly personal aspect of our relationship with God, but we take it from a communal loaf and a communal cup, reminding us that that relationship is for all of us. I mean that in both ways- God is in relationship with each of us, and each relationship is for the purpose of all of us. When we take Communion we stand in a line that stretches not simply down the aisles of our church but down the halls of time as we receive the gifts of God’s grace and love.

Finally, Communion reminds us of our part in bringing about reconciliation between God and the world. It is through simple bread and juice that we encounter God and it is through simple human beings that God works in the world. As we remember our union with God’s creation and God’s people, we are reminded of the ways in which we have failed to care for them. God has demonstrated God’s love for us in this good earth and in the gifts of food and drink, yet the earth is raped and polluted and God’s people go hungry and thirsty. The earth that produced the bread and juice is savaged and neglected; God’s children go without even the most basic elements of the table. God's kingdom has not been fulfilled. Our work remains.

Communion is the culmination of the work of the worship gathering- to draw together and to send out. As I've talked about before, I think we often get caught up in the drawing together and forget that the Church's purpose was to be sent out. Maybe that's why my favorite line from the words of institution said before Communion are these: "Pour out your Holy Spirit on us gathered here, and on these gifts of bread and wine. Make them be for us the body and blood of Christ, that we may be for the world the body of Christ, redeemed by his blood." Amen.

The Mission of Ultimate Importance

*dun, dun, dun dun, dun, dun,  dun dun, dun, dun, dun dun duuunnnn*


Alright, if that didn't make any sense to you go back and read it again while singing to yourself the Mission: Impossible theme song. 

Theeeere you go. Alright. Cultural hook completed.

As you may have noticed, this is actually my second post for the day. The first one was basically for all of my loved ones who really just want to keep tabs on me and see what life is like for me here in DC, which I'm more than happy to do. I love to keep in touch this way.

This post, however, is for the people who are also interested in what I'm thinking about because I'm in seminary and that's a big part of what I do with my time. I think about faith and truth and the church and the world and what we're all supposed to be doing with our lives, and then I try to go out and do it and bring some people along with me. Also, I just need a space to work out all of what gets thrown at me in a week. So here we go.

The cheesy M:I hook is one I got in class today when we talked about this subject. It worked, though, and I'm also just kind of a big fan of cheesy things, so here it is again. Of course, he could actually play the song for us, but I do what I can.

The reason I used it, though, and the reason my professor used it, is to start off thinking about the word mission. What's the difference between a "mission-minded" church and a "missional" church?

A mission-minded church is a great thing. It's a group of people who dedicate their time, their money, and their efforts do doing missions. They do great things.

Yet, "mission" in a "mission-minded" church is still just that: something they do. The idea of a "missional" church is that mission is recognized as something they are; it's an inextricable part of their identity.

And what identity, what mission is that? Christ's, of course. Our identity as Christians is tied up with the identity of Christ. Christ's mission is our mission. So, as I asked before: what mission is that?

If you look at the gospel of Luke, there's a lot of buildup to Jesus' ministry. We get a lot about his birth and his childhood and the proclamations of his coming from John the Baptist. Then Jesus gets baptized, the Holy Spirit descends on him, and he goes off for forty days into the wilderness. When he comes back, he's ready to roll. He starts preaching and teaching. But it's not until he gets back to his hometown in chapter 4 that he really gets going, revealing who he is and why he's come.

He stands up to read in the temple, as usual. Someone hands him a scroll. He opens it and reads from Isaiah:

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
   because he has anointed me
     to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives
   and recovery of sight to the blind,
     to let the oppressed go free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour."

And then he sits down. Everyone's staring at him. And he says "Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing."

It has been fulfilled. This is who I am. This is what I'm doing.

And then he does it.

Jesus' self-proclaimed mission has two main parts, and we know that it's legitimate because it's from the Spirit of the Lord. This is what God wants. His mission is to proclaim the good news and to bring about the good news, the good news of God's present and coming kingdom, of God's reconciliation with the world. And that's what he goes out and does. Along the way, he makes disciples; he creates a community of people who are charged with this same mission. And to seal the deal, to finish the beginning of the bringing about of this kingdom, Christ sacrifices himself. I could (and might) write a whole other blog post about how maybe in holding up Christ's death and resurrection as the be-all, end-all of Christianity we've lost an important part of who Christ was and therefore who we are. In the meantime, you can check out my good friend Andy's blog post about it here.

So that's it. That's our mission. To proclaim the kingdom of God and to bring it about. To bring in more people who are working side by side with us, who believe in this with us. And this is not just what we do; it's who we are. We live in the already-present but not-yet-fulfilled kingdom of God, and we are called by virtue of our identity as Christians to continue to bring about this vision for the world.

I didn't say the Lord's Prayer much growing up. I was Southern Baptist and they're more about praying as the Spirit leads, which is great. We miss out, though, on the skin-tinglingly communal aspect of praying a prayer that is prayed around the world by millions of people and has been prayed by billions more for 2,000 years. I loved being a part of a church that said the Lord's Prayer often when I left the SBC. I always kind of shivered at the one line, though: "thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Maybe it's my past, maybe it's something else, but that always conjured images of scurrying servants for me. It brought back the giant, angry, old God.

I don't think that's it, though. Thinking about God's kingdom as a vision for a healthy, whole, reconciled creation, as something that I am intrinsically a part of because I am Christian but even simply (or wondrously) because I am human--that changes it. When I say the Lord's Prayer now, that's one of my favorite lines. Thy kingdom come! And I want to be a part of it! That's my mission, and I have chosen to accept it.

EDIT: I meant to include this video in my original post. Here you go:

Cherry Blossoms!

If you don't know, DC is covered in cherry blossom trees. For a few weeks every spring the city is absolutely breathtaking as they all bloom in various stages and colors. I finally got to go down by the monuments where the majority of the trees are clustered last week; unfortunately, it was kind of a cloudy day but I took pictures anyway. Since today is such a gorgeous day here it reminded me and I thought I'd share. So here you go!